The scene I’m using for SSS describes the wedding of
Neal’s best friend, Sandy, to Sophie. The entire scene is in Neal’s POV.
During the ceremony Neal had some difficulty trying not to think about the
one-night-stand he and Sophie shared. He had a harder time with memories of his
first love, Laurie, who died before he said those three little words “I love
you.” April (and Sandy) grew up in Crescent City, Calif. An important bit of backstory is that although she now lives with Neal in Los Angeles, she still struggles with unrequited feelings for Sandy. For this scene, the ceremony took place on a beach; afterward, Neal and April go for a walk near the water. He’s told her if getting married means a lot to her, he’ll do it. She called that the most lopsided proposal ever, so he got down on one knee and asked if she would marry him. She pushed him over; something less than flattering slipped out of his mouth, as it sometimes does. April’s a chef, hence the fillet reference.
Half the fun of SSS is seeing comments on excerpts of your own work, but the other fun part is seeing the other snippets. There’s a fair amount of romance in the excerpts though several are not typical at all! There’s really something to please every reading taste.“Ah, if you don’t believe me, go find some other sucker to string along.” He turned away then stopped. Of course he didn’t mean that. “Look, I know what I want, and it’s you.”She looked less inclined to fillet him. “Maybe, but I’m not going to agree to anything today or in the near future because the sting of today is not going away for a while. Plus, I don’t want you to wake up some morning and realize you made a huge mistake.”
Maybe there is hope for the two of them. Can't wat to find out what their future holds. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jessica, much appreciated!
DeleteNice! You insert his thoughts so easily, so smoothly. You don't jolt me out of my reading flow. "He turned away then stopped. Of course he didn’t mean that."
ReplyDeleteNice job, Marcia! :-)
This is why I really like how the SSS format forces me to be succinct. It's such a great concept.
DeleteHey Marcia!! What I really like about this excerpt is three things. It's clever, the way it's structured. The dialogue has a witty, natural feel to it, and on top of that, the whole thing is elegantly written. Triple strike! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Dana, that's very sweet of you. I love these characters!
DeleteI quite like this line-She looked less inclined to fillet him So vivid.
ReplyDeleteYou know I had some doubts about that line, but I think it's appropriate for where Neal is at this point in his life. Thanks Jess.
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