Saturday, May 3, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 5/4/14: No one will ever look beautiful again


Thought I’d share something I wrote much later in the story than the scenes I’ve been using for WeWriWa. For those new peeps, those who haven’t been by in a while, and anybody else who needs a reminder, this is from the novel I started for NaNo 2013. It’s still in Draft 1 and is tentatively titled Night Shift. Collected excerpts for this story are here. In a nutshell, this is a good-vs-evil story with demons, angels, and humans.

For this scene, our heroine Devorah watches as a large group of angels assembles into the shape of a triangle, standing in a large warehouse room. She knows what they’re going to do, but not how. The angel standing at the triangle’s forward point calls out an invocation, using titles that Devorah realizes with a chill are ones commonly used for the Archangel Michael.

I give you six sentences, because in this case, less really is more.
A mist of unearthly whiteness settled onto a spot in front of the triangle’s point. Within the mist, a tall figure formed. Even from a couple hundred yards away he was the most achingly beautiful being I’d ever seen. It wasn’t just his features, though if I ever saw a human who looked like that I’d probably pass out from ogling. No, the closest I could come to describing him was regal but that fell short. The tilt of his head, the way his bright hair swept back, the glorious arc of his feathered wings as they curved behind and above him, the way the blue sash fit snugly from shoulder to hip--on my knees before I realized it, I knew no human would ever truly look beautiful to me again.
I’m kind of stuck with some of the plot points, but am having quite an enjoyable time with descriptions J

Have you hopped around the Weekend Writing Warriors blog hop yet? Please do, you’ll find a whole bunch of that are hard to walk away from! Trust me, I’m picky about what I read and I’ve found 6 or 7 stories I can’t wait to read. More get added to my “must read” list every week.

Happy May to everybody, and thanks so much for coming by!

17 comments:

  1. Oh girl! You gave me goosebumps! What a beautiful (and visual) description! :-)

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  2. Wow! This six is fantastic, I am on my knees head bowed!

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    1. I'm so glad you like it, Millie!

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  3. Sounds awesome (in the original sense) rather than the way we usually think of beautiful.

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    1. I didn't think of that, but I like it. Thanks for that!

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  4. I like the way you mix very ethereal description with highly down-to-earth thoughts :)

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    1. What a nice thing to say, Ian. Thanks bunches!

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  5. You're doing just great with the description. Can't wait to read more.

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    1. I appreciate that. It's nice to see you, Elaine.

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  6. I agree with Botanist. Ethereal vs earthy emotions. What a stirring combination. Gorgeous descriptive six. Thanks, Marcia.

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    1. Thanks! I'm really glad you like it.

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  7. Ooh, I can see him, wings and all, from your excellent description. I want MORE. You're really making this world vivid. Terrific 6!

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    1. Nice of you to say, Veronica. I do appreciate that.

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  8. Great 6! The description definitely lends to the imagination.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I waffled a bit over how much to describe him physically, but decided not to use much detail. I guess that was a good decision!

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  9. Wow, your enjoyment with description really comes through. Very vivid and intriguing. You gave just enough description and not too much. Great 8, ...6.

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