Sunday, May 25, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 5/25/14: the weight of utter hopelessness

Can you believe it? Not only another Sunday, but it's almost June :-) I live in a cold-winter climate and am ecstatic that there are leaves on the trees again!

Picking up with my NaNo story tentatively titled Night Shift; the last excerpt I posted is here. Devorah has found the room where Kazimir is attempting to trap the demon Thaumiel. She's gotten in a bit over her head, though, as a large shadow drops into the middle of the circle she's facing. Kaz and his two friends, all in their demon forms, are inside the circle.

Turns out I've got 7 sentences this time! I seem to be having issues with going all the way to 8, but at least I'm staying within the guidelines this way. Collected excerpts for this story are here.
The shadow rose up to brush the ceiling with two curved horns and a pair of wings made of black fire. It turned to nail me with bright red fire eyes. 

My breath caught in my throat. Almighty God, please help me! The weight of utter hopelessness pressed me closer to the floor.  Try as I might, I couldn’t take my eyes off the dark terror only a few feet away.

Devorah Moore, said a deep rolling voice in my head, your soul is mine.
This whole thing is Draft 1. I've run into problems with the plot and am considering what to do about that. At this point, I'm thinking Draft 1 may end up being backstory. Wish me luck :-)

For some fabulous excerpts from pretty creative writers, hit the WeWriWa blog hop. We have a lot of fun with a huge variety of stories. There's never a dull Sunday with this group!

It's Memorial Day weekend in the States. Please spare a thought and a prayer for all the soldiers who have given their lives in service to their country. If you know a veteran, take the time to say "thank you" in person -- they may never have heard that before, and they really deserve to be thanked.


  1. This certainly doesn't read like a 1st draft. The writing is so smooth. Good luck resolving your plot issues.

    1. aww thanks Jess, much appreciated! I've learned a valuable lesson from my two novel WIPs--I can't "pants" a writing project. No, I write myself into hedge mazes that way. lol!

  2. Ooh, TENSE! And foreboding. She's going to need all her strength to fight...really an excellent excerpt. This is such a fascinating story you've got going on...

  3. Great description! This was absolutely visceral: " Almighty God, please help me!"

    One suggestion (ignore at will :-) ) The first sentence, I'm reading cause/effect confusion. I'd drop the "to" and place a comma there. Changing the syntax ever so subtly changes the focus of the sentence. As it is, it seems that needing to touch the ceiling is the cause of the shadow rising. By removing the "to" I think it changes it an effect of the shadow rising. But I could be totally wrong. :-)

  4. Oh, you'd need to change "brush" to "brushing". :-)

  5. You've painted an intense frightening moment from which there's no possible escape unless. . .A tune in next week invitation, thank you very much.

  6. That's pretty scary. Nicely done. I forgot to sign up, but you can see my sentences at

  7. Holy wow! I think I'd be staining my the heck is she going to get out of this?

  8. Thanks, folks. I love getting reader reactions. The Memorial Day weekend kind of messed up my visiting schedule but I'm hopping around this evening :)