Well well, it’s finally February! I am *so* excited to leave
January behind! Not just because so much of the U.S. had such terrible
weather--and it was terrible, some people lost their lives in the blizzards and
extreme cold--but the good news is that Weekend Writing Warriors turns one year
old! :) Having recently gathered a bunch of comments from you, our wonderful
readers/participants, we are thinking about some kind of celebration. Stay
tuned to the WeWriWa main page!
On to my sentences. This scene has kind of come full circle,
because immediately following last week's
excerpt would come the part I posted as my first snippet from this story
(working title Night Shift) here
back in November.
So--Devorah has left Kazimir on the floor in her entryway, where
the angels healed him. Feeling a bit guilty over shooting Kaz, she brought him
a pillow and a throw from the sofa. The next morning, she finds him sitting up
and in the middle of reciting what sounds like a prayer. She starts to leave
but he calls her. She apologizes for shooting him. [Creative punctuation is in
use ;-) I’m sorry for running over the limit a little, but I condensed as much
as I could without losing important parts.]
“I was hoping you’d shoot me,” Kazimir said.
I came all the way down the stairs. “What?”
“I wanted you to go into your own Dark side; I needed you to see that anger and hatred can drive even you to do demonic things.”
“You . . . egged me on to make me shoot you? I could’ve killed you, and you manipulated me!”
“Yeah, and yeah. You almost did kill me, but then you asked Adrael to help me--there’s no way I’d be completely healed by now without his help.”
I didn’t know what to make of him; he pushed me to shoot him, knowing I could have sent that bullet into his head as easily as his leg. “Selfless, or just determined to prove you’re right about me?”
“What’s the point of being right if I’m dead? Everybody’s got a price--you get it now?”
Thanks for stopping by my blog today. For more excerpts from
dozens of other writers, hop back to WeWriWa--you won’t be sorry you
did!
To all our long-term participants of WeWriWa,
thanks so much for making this blog hop tons of fun. To our new peeps, we hope
you’ll be comfy enough to stay--there’s no wearing out your welcome with us! :)
Very risky and a dangerous game to play. No wonder Devorah is confused! Tense exchange.
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming by Gemma.
DeleteMore and more interesting. And a dangerous game to play. What happens next?
ReplyDeleteHi Charmaine. Well that's the question, isn't it?
DeleteI had a feeling he was encouraging her to shoot him, so very interesting. High stakes here! Another excellent excerpt, much for her to think about.
ReplyDeleteOh Marcia, that's such a great story. I'm guessing that pushing her to shoot him not only is a test of character, but that there's much more at stake for him to see what Devorah is really made of. Liking this story more and more. :)
ReplyDeleteSeems like an extreme way to get someone to reveal their soul, but there's no denying the effectiveness. You're doing a great job with this story.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what he's trying to prove, but it seems she isn't either.
ReplyDeleteNice! Risky, but it worked. Love the psychology he used!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed. "I came all the way down the stairs." I know I'm judging with limited context, so I could be way off base. If so, ignore me :-) Do you mean that she was part way down, and she finished coming own the stairs?
Could it read that she came down the last few stairs until she stood next to him?
It felt clunky, or just odd to me.
I really like this story!
I find the complexities of the good vs evil fascinating in this story. And he was definitely playing with her head in regards to that. Great snippet Marcia!
ReplyDeleteThe Murders of Polly Frisch
Marvelous way that he points out the good and evil in everyone. Feels very real.
ReplyDeleteWhoa there, that's some serious head games. This is so complex...you've got my head reeling. Poor girl, if I can feel for her.
ReplyDelete