Thanks so much
for visiting and commenting last week, everybody. I’m sorry I didn’t respond to
your comments much. Sunday evening I didn’t feel well and then I started a temp
job, so have been more tired than usual. I really appreciate your uplifting
comments, please know that. Here I am again, ready to continue with my NaNo
story, working title Night Shift. Collected
excerpts for this story are here.
Skipping ahead in the current scene, Kazimir has tried to
convince Devorah to join his group of Crossers to help restore the balance
between the powers of Light and Dark. Hearing that he’s actually over 400 years
old, she asks him if he’s immortal; all he’ll say is that he should be leaving
because he isn’t supposed to pressure anybody into joining the Crossers.
Devorah speaks first here.
“Someday I’d like to hear more about your wife, I bet there’s a lot to tell.”
Kazimir just shook his head; on his way out of the kitchen he said, “Thanks for asking Adrael to heal me, I’ll look you up in a few days to get your final answer.”
I stopped him before he reached the front door. “You’ll help me, right? I’m afraid to do this but I will. I’ve got to believe I’m stronger than I think I am.”
His face lit up and he threw both arms around me. It made me smile in spite of what I was agreeing to do.
Thanks for coming by, peeps! Get a
“jump” on Easter and “hop” over to the WeWriWa
homepage for links to fabulous story excerpts :-D There’s probably a dozen
stories that I follow regularly, because it’s so easy to get caught up in the
truly wonderful writing we have access to every single Sunday J
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLet me try this again! Not a good sign that I botch the first comment I leave. lol
ReplyDeleteHmmm... wonder what the story is about Kazimir's wife? Might make for some good tension later. :-)
Looks like Devorah's agreed to a pretty serious thing. That's good, though. Makes for a big story :-)
One thing I saw that jumped out at me was this sentence, "I’ve got to believe I’m stronger than I think I am.” It feels wrong--the thoughts behind it. How could Devorah accept something she knows isn't true? Maybe have her admit her self doubt, and then have Kazimir reassure her that she is stronger than she thinks she is?
Maybe it's just me. :-)
With Devorah's agreement, it looks like we're off for an adventure of a story! Good 8, Marcia. :-)
*laff* The computer gods may be finicky today, Teresa!
DeleteThanks for pointing that out about that one sentence. I thought I knew what I meant when I typed it but your comment made me ask myself what I meant, and I'm not sure - lol! So I'll revisit that bit.
There's so much happening in this snippet. I want to yell don't do it, Devorah. You have no idea what lies ahead.And what's with the wife? I'm left hanging. So don't rush the story. Let it flow so we can digest and love your Devorah. Thanks, Marcia.
ReplyDeleteHey Charmaine. Thanks so much. In an excerpt a couple weeks ago, Kazimir mentioned that his wife died but in the full story he explains how ... which I'm not going to reveal here :) It connects to a later plot point.
DeleteI appreciate your compliments. That's very sweet of you!
I agree with Teresa about that one sentence feeling a little off, but I suspect that if you cut the I am, ending the sentence at think, it'll be fine. I'm very curious about the wife, and loving how smoothly you're ramping up the tension/intrigue. You're doing a great job with this story.
ReplyDeleteI'll tweak that sentence in the next draft; I meant something specific when I typed it, just have to figure out what, lol!
DeleteThanks, Jess. I definitely have fun with this story :D
Sounds like she's made her decision.
ReplyDeleteShe has, but that doesn't mean she won't wonder if it's the right decision.
DeleteHope he knows what he's getting into to. I noticed Teresa's comment and I had a different view: for me, it seems that Devorah is trying to force herself into believing she really is strong. This is realistic and it shows the flaw in her. This story has great potential. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteWell hi Frank, how nice to see you. Yeah, I don't know, I'm not sure that sentence actually says what I was trying to get across. But thanks for your input, I'll flag that part for the next draft.
Delete"I’ve got to believe I’m stronger than I think I am" - I read this the same way as Frank, and I thought this was a powerful lesson for all of us in face of difficulties.
ReplyDeleteHi! How interesting, I'm getting differing views on this. This is why I love 8sunday, I get awesome feedback :D :D
DeleteI think Devorah is going to be surprised at what all she's signing herself up for. Intriguing story and world building. And another great snippet!
ReplyDeleteHey Veronica. Thanks so much. She'll be surprised, all right :D
DeleteI also read this the same as Frank, that line jumped out at me as poignant and so true of many of us in different situations. She is trying to overcome her uncertainty
ReplyDeleteby saying it aloud. I would keep it in, a powerful line in a great snippet!
I really appreciate that, Gemma. I'm glad I picked this bit for 8sunday, I'm loving these comments!
DeleteHer trepidation is obvious, I'm interested to see where this goes.
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming by Chelle. I'll probably pick up from the same chapter next time :)
DeleteOh, my, my. This is going to have loads of conflict. Devorah does not realize, I don't think, what that really means. What if she gets in a situation similar to the one with her friend the Rabbi? This is going to get quite complicated for her. I like where you're going with this.
ReplyDeleteHey Cindy. She doesn't quite realize what she's in for, it's true. That's what makes it fun for us readers :D
DeleteOh my, she's just signed herself up for a world of hurt, I believe...but hopefully she's stronger than she thinks she is ; ) That line made me think of the lines Christopher Robin leaves with Pooh Bear in Pooh's Grand Adventure. "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
ReplyDeleteOh Millie, that's a wonderful thought! Thanks so much for that. And yeah, some unpleasant things heading her way :D
Delete