Saturday, January 4, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 1/5/14


Happy New Year, everybody!

Sticking with the story I started for NaNo 2013, working title Night Shift. You can find previous excerpts here. Previously, Kazimir admitted to Devorah that he was forced to promise to bring the demons a soul, her dear friend Rabbi Abbatoy. The angel Adrael  has said something that leads Devorah to believe Kaz has in fact gone after the rabbi. Terrified for her friend the rabbi, she runs to her car. The second speaker in this excerpt is Adrael.

The goofy placement of semi-colons is so the excerpt fits WeWriWa's guidelines :-)
As I tried to get the key into the ignition, sirens started up, low at first; more joined in. Out across the cemetery, just above the tree tops, a thick line of gray smoke drifted up, tinted pink in the sunset. My hand froze and I sat staring; my voice sounded shrill even to my own ears. “You lousy bastard, how could you?”

“Devorah,” said a soft voice from the passenger seat,“you’re in no condition to drive.” An almost-solid hand eased the key out of my limp fingers. “Kazimir will already be there, he cannot forgo that promise. It’s better that you don’t see.”
You know, I think I'm going to continue this scene Monday. It loses impact chopped up this way. It's important for readers to get a better sense of how this affects Devorah. Maybe by then I'll have figured out how to turn off this effing touchpad! And y'know, I just love seeing y'all come by :) 

Be sure to visit the Weekend Writing Warriors homepage for links to snippets from some pretty cool writers. I'm pretty picky about what I read and I've found several stories I can't wait to see more of every week. We range from lighthearted and romantic to sci fi, and historical. It's like being in a library, only better, 'cause you get to interact with the authors!

20 comments:

  1. What a difficult decision for Kaz, and I feel so sorry for Devorah. Good 8

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    1. Thanks Chelle. It's nice to see you.

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  2. Wow--such a complex situation, Marcia! Kazimir seems like a bad guy, but his motivations for killing the Rabbi aren't completely bad? At least it looks that way (sort of). Whew. This is a tough one!

    Very descriptive writing, Marcia. I like the almost-solid hand. Well done!

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    1. Thanks. Kazimir is always walking a thin line; if the demons think he's going soft, they'll drag him into hell. He needs to stay alive so he can continue to push back the Dark. But it means doing things that are not right or good for normal humans, so it's a precarious existence. I love exploring these shady, gray areas :)

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    2. It will be a good read-- the tortured character doing bad things for the greater good. :-)

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  3. I'm inclined to think Azrael is right, she shouldn't go...very powerful story unfolding. Excellent excerpt!

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    1. Hi Veronica. Some parts of this are fairly easy, though it is an early draft. Other parts, well, more like quicksand!

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  4. Gulp. Please don't kill the rabbi. Tell us more as you reveal a complex tale of religion, demons and angels.

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    1. Hi Charmaine. One of the ideas I'm exploring with this scene is when or if the end justifies the means.

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  5. I still don't see how killing the Rabbi will deliver his soul to the demons.

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    1. Sue Ann, it's not really explained in these snippets, but you raise a good point. I need to make that clear in the full scene. What actually happens is that killing the rabbi frees his soul, allowing Kazimir to capture it and deliver it to the demons. I don't show that because Devorah is the POV character but it needs to be made clear. Thanks so much for coming by!

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  6. I keep hoping for some divine intervention for the rabbi...I'll have to check back tomorrow for more!!!!

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    1. Well Millie, I'll be pleased as punch if you do :D

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  7. Poor Devorah, but even more poor Rabbi!

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  8. Oh no! I was hoping he wasn't really going to go through with it.

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  9. Tough decision. Justified or not. Intense scene.

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  10. Oh my, my. Great scene there. And when does the greater good really justify the means? When you become yourself what you are fighting against? Wow. Complex. And for Kaz to say you shouldn't be there, will she want to be there all the more? This scene does exactly what it should. Make the reader question what will happen and keep reading.

    (Sighned up for snippets today, forgot to sign up for WWW before midnight. :( )
    The Murders of Polly Frisch

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  11. Cindy is correct. This is a great scene. Authentic dialouge and smooth writing. Great job!

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  12. Thanks peeps. I really appreciate you all coming by :)

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