While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two
is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as
will the character "voices." So these excerpts will still give you a
good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like.
The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.
Skipping ahead just a bit, Sandy’s drum tech (roadie) Phil offers
to show Neal a little about Sandy’s drum kit. Phil hits a couple cymbals and
explains why they’re named the way they are. Then he gives Neal a pair of
drumsticks and urges him to take a seat at the drums. Phil speaks first here:
Sorry for the funny punctuation ;-) I’m guessing I’m going to use a lot of creative punctuation for these excerpts!“Hit one on your right side and see what happens.”As the stick hit the cymbal, it made a much duller, flatter sound.Phil winced and said, “Dude, move over, I’ve got to change that one.”Neal sprang up and moved away from the drum set; he just hit the thing like that chango told him to.Phil eased up to the cymbal and unscrewed something at the top.“You hit it in just the wrong place; your first lesson is, the only place to hit a crash cymbal is in the middle.”Neal raised his voice to say, “You tol’ me to hit it.”Phil took the cymbal off the stand and studied the top as he said, “Oh hey, I didn’t mean it’s your fault, this one hasn’t been sounding quite right and your hit just happened to be the last straw…yeah, it’s cracked, so now ya get to see how to set one up.”Neal blinked at him; no “get the fuck out, dickhead, you don’t know what you’re doing”?Phil grinned and said, “Shit happens, man, nothing lasts forever.”
The imaginative participants at Weekend Writing Warriors will show you snippets of romances, breakups, fantasy lands, cities on other planets, lands far back in Earth's history and some far in our future. I'm pretty picky about the stuff I read and I've found lots of stories I can't wait to read more of!
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Thanks for all the continuing wonderful comments. They really make my week :-D
Great interaction between these characters. Well done, Marcia! Personally, I didn't notice anything odd about your punctuation. I thought the snippet read quite smoothly.
ReplyDeleteWell thanks Jess, I appreciate that :-) I guess it feels funny to me because I know how much condensing and tweaking went into it! It's a lot of fun though.
DeleteI knew I liked Phil! This really brought a smile to my face, thanks for the lovely eight.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Millie. I like Phil a lot too; I'm mulling over ways to bring him back into the story.
DeleteI love the interaction between the two in this snippet. the dialogue is spot on with the action of the characters. great job even with funny punctuation. LOL
ReplyDeleteBuilding trust certainly is going to be a problem for Neal going forward but I enjoyed this snippet very much. You really portrayed Neal's nerves and I'm with Millie - I like Phil! Great 8!
ReplyDeleteGreat use of the eights. Loved how you showed Neal's insecurity without slapping the readers upside the head. Well done.
ReplyDeleteGreat interaction and conflict here, very realistic!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy watching your characters very much. Reading your snippets is a visual experience. There is nothing forced about them and the way they interact with one another. A pretty unique quality.
ReplyDeleteI didn't find anything wrong with the punctuation. Hey, I'm noticing that since 8sunday I've been finding myself getting more and more cozy with the semicolon. Is that normal? :D
'Things wear out, they're not that important' is a good life philosophy. And hopefully he can reach the clearly gun-shy Neal.
ReplyDeleteObviously you know what you're writing about. I love it; the characters, instruments, kindness and explanation. Doing just fine with a terrific eight.
ReplyDeleteNice scene. You do a good job of showing how insecure Neal is. Instantly on the defensive. Yep--Phil is a good guy! :-) Good 8, Marcia!
ReplyDeleteMaybe Neal can learn that not everyone is automatically against him.
ReplyDeleteNice snippet. I love that the main character is trying to change his life through music. Thanks for sharing your 8.
ReplyDeleteGood snippet. I like the carefree, yet serious, attitude Phil has. It's a shame that Neal's background makes him so automatically suspicious and defensive. I look forward to see Neal gain some confidence and security.
ReplyDelete