Saturday, September 7, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors 9/08/13

Street Glass is my novel-in-progress. My tagline: Underprivileged 18-yr-old Latino leaves street gang and befriends white, over-privileged rock musicians.

While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the character "voices." So these excerpts will still give you a good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like. The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.

Last time, Neal skipped out of rehab with his friend Dario. I’m skipping past Neal arriving at Dario’s apartment. Neal’s disappointed to realize that Dario’s place is kind of small, doesn’t have a lot of furniture, and Dario doesn’t have a car. Later that evening, some guys outside start shouting for someone; Dario explains to Neal he’s told them that the dude they’re looking for doesn’t live in that apartment anymore. The guys shoot at the window. Dario drops to the floor. Neal crawls over to him. Dario whispers for him to call the cops but Neal balks at that. Dario tries again.

(Context: when they were in the street gang, Neal was known as Razor and Dario was known as Flaco.)
“Took one in the stomach . . . go call, Razor.”

Neal bit his lip. Sonofabitch, Dario was calling on him as a cholo, a brother, to help. “Stay with me, Flaco, I’m gonna call, then I’m comin’ back.”

When he got back, Dario reached toward him and Neal hung on with both hands. A pair of ambulance guys showed up, kept pushing Neal out of the way to work on Dario, then scooped him on the stretcher and wheeled him out.

Neal sat on the floor with his arms wrapped around himself. He started to shake and couldn’t stop.
This excerpt has been condensed to fit the 8sunday format :-)

Tag along at Weekend Writing Warriors as we blog hop all over the world, reading fabulous snippets from works in progress, works just published and some just about to be. You'll find various genres and blends of genres. Believe me, our participating writers have full and active imaginations!

Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D

18 comments:

  1. This is a good scene--one of many hurdles Neal has to get over. It was a real backslide for him, and an ugly reminder of reality! Good 8, Marcia :-)

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    1. Thanks hon. Sometimes I wonder if I beat this guy up too much. But then I get over it :-D

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  2. Wow, the dialogue is great and the setting vivid. Fantastic 8!

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  3. Highly realistic that his decision to skip out of rehab early was going to backfire. I'm still pulling for this character (you write him so well) - great excerpt.

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    1. Veronica, that means a lot to me. Is it alarming that I find a character like him so easy to write? lol!

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  4. This snippet does a great job of reminding the reader about the dangers of Neal's world. It's a tough life. Great snippet!

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    1. It is indeed tough. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last two days in an environment like that. Nice to see you :-)

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  5. What a vivid scene! So intense and emotional!

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  6. Great scene - lots of good imagery too. I like how you set this in 1986, I miss the eighties. I love the character names as well. Interesting 8!

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  7. This is a huge reality check for him.

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  8. Bet the band (and even rehab) is looking a lot better to him.

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  9. Great scene- I like the emotion you put into it.
    ~Summer

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  10. I'm really looking forward to reading the whole since your 8 sentences are so well written.

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  11. Wouldn't surprise me too much if he takes himself back to rehab on his own...it's got to look so much better.

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  12. Dang, wish I could read the expanded version of this snippet. Knowing your writing, I bet the paramedics scene was intense.

    Poor Neal. Now what? He put himself in quite a bad position here, and he knows it. The last two sentences show us that. Very well written, Marcia!

    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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  13. You guys are wonderful :D Thank you all so much. It's responses like these that keep me going!

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