While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two
is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as
will the character "voices." So these excerpts will still give you a
good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like.
The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.
After Neal is released from the
rehab hospital, Sandy brings him over to the rehearsal hall where the band is
getting ready for the North American tour that starts in a couple weeks.
It doesn’t really look like it here
but this scene is in Neal’s POV.
omg, Blogger is driving me crazy. All of a sudden, for the last 2 weeks, when I copy-n-paste from Word it won't hold my indenting :pSandy bounded up the stairs, waved toward the back of the stage, and called, “Phil, over here.”A tall guy in beat-up jeans and a sleeveless white t-shirt came over, holding a pair of drumsticks—a black guy.Neal crossed his arms; he didn’t expect that.“Hey, lighten up,” Phil said, “I don’t have problems with Latinos. We’re not in the ’hood here, man.”Sandy looked at both of them and said, “What?”“Sandy,” Phil laughed, “wake up. It’s a miracle you got through life in one piece. Blacks and Latinos fight in the ’hoods, I almost gave Neal a heart attack here.”
The imaginative participants at Weekend Writing Warriors
will show you snippets of romances, breakups, fantasy lands, cities on
other planets, lands far back in Earth's history and some far in our
future. I'm pretty picky about the stuff I read and I've found lots of
stories I can't wait to read more of!
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D
Nice snippet and good insight into characters. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Susan. :)
DeleteAs a country girl, I found this scene rather fascinating. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's very natural, Marcia. The dialogue is smooth--and feels right.
Good snippet. That Neal has a lot of things to learn! :-)
He does indeed. As a person, he's a continual work in progress, lol!
DeletePoor Sandy is naive but endearing. The minute you described the drummer, *I* knew we had trouble (but then, I live in SoCal). Very well done excerpt.
ReplyDeleteHi Veronica. Drummers get a bad rap! It's nice that you think Sandy's endearing; that's what I'm aiming for :D
DeleteI absolutely adore Sandy : ) He's just trying to put it all together, and he has a big heart. Phil sounds like a character too! Nice eight here!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Millie! That's Sandy in a nutshell :D
DeleteI'm so pleased that you like this!
Understanding. Phil sounds like he's g t a clue, but I'm not so sure about Sandy.
ReplyDeleteWell, Sandy's slow sometimes, but he catches up eventually ;-) Thanks for coming by.
DeleteNice, smooth and it tells a lot about the three characters.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Emilie.
DeleteMan, I like your snippets, Marcia! Great with the eights.
ReplyDeleteHow nice of you :-) It's challenging sometimes to say what I want concisely - but that's what I like about a meme like this.
DeleteI'm really liking Phil. I love the fact that you've opted to write a story that is set in a time period that feels so recent. It's amazing to think about how much the world, and hopefully people's attitudes, have changed since 1986.
ReplyDeleteAlso, thanks for your comments on my blog. You're insight was fantastic and appreciated!
So kind of you, Jess. I wrote the first scenes--bunches of them--that grew into draft 1 back in 1986 ... so it seemed natural to stay there once I got back to the story in 2009.
DeleteI was only five years old in 1986, too!!!!
I was confused at first because I didn't realize the black guy and Phill were the same person, but that was probably due to the snippet being out of context. Enjoyed it though! It's a great way to quickly show the attitude of that time in that area....
ReplyDeleteThanks Angela! Yeah a lot of my excerpts are very much condensed. I have to pick one thing to focus on because I have so few sentences to work with; occasionally something comes across a bit fuzzy because of that. But I'm so glad you enjoyed it :-)
DeleteA great bit of characterisation there.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stevie, I appreciate it.
DeleteA very relevant point, and the conflict in their hood life was another good insight into Neal's character and the reality of the life he's trying to escape. Poor kid has a lot of issues to work through. Good job with his character by the way. He steps forward, then slips back with another obstacle you toss in his way, and steps forward again. Despite all his flaws, I'm rooting for him!
ReplyDeleteHistory Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders
Thanks Cindy :D He's a lot of fun for me. I'm so pleased to hear you're on his side :D
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