Saturday, August 9, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 8/10/14: It's easier if you just disappear

Hey peeps, nice to see you :-) I had a long afternoon fighting with the woodwork around a couple of windows that needed new hardware for curtains 0.0 Old houses, yikes! So if anything in today’s excerpt is crazier than usual, it’s because I’ve been up for 16 hours now and the eyes are not as astute as they were in the morning!

I tweaked this to fit the guidelines but it’s still a first draft excerpt. I took out stuff like saying somebody stood up or did something else, because the focus here is on the dialog and what Devorah is thinking. So if it reads like it’s missing something, it is :-) Collected excerpts for this story are here.

Devorah and Kazimir are still in the wooded area a ways back from the synagogue, which is now on fire. The story began with Kaz urging Devorah to join him in a group of demons that also work for the Light. She’s agreed but hasn’t actually joined yet.

Sirens sounded in the distance from two directions. I couldn't see much through the trees though behind me, there seemed to be light flickering. I wanted to run to the synagogue to find out where everybody was. Logically that might not be a good idea; first responders didn’t need some crazy woman getting in their way. But then again, nobody knew where I was.  “Kaz, I need to find out what’s happening at the synagogue and let them know I’m all right.”  

“No, don’t, it’s important--don’t. We didn’t get into details yet about how or when you’d approach the demons asking to join them. It’ll be easier for you if you just disappear from your old life.”  

Yikes again! Disappear? Really? Could you do that?

He’s promised her that if she joins him in the demon group, she can help him find out who really killed her dad. Things haven’t been that straightforward though, and now she finds out he wants her to leave her old life without even saying goodbye to anybody. He has this irritating habit of not saying important things until the last minute. Does she slug him again? ;-)

Thanks for coming by, and please do hop back to the Weekend Writing Warriors main page for links to some darn good stories. We’ve got authors whose autographs you should be asking for, because when some of these folks break out, they’re gonna hit it big!


  1. He does have a habit of leaving out important things.

  2. Interesting excerpt. I love the sense of the characters I get through the dialog here. Kaz definitely seems a tad shady, so I'm anxious to find out if his reasons are justifiable. Great snippet!

  3. That Kaz, he's not making a very good case at the moment. I don't think I'd just drop my previous life in an instant. The second sentence jars me from the writing....through and though. Maybe reword that. Or, maybe it's just me : )

  4. Torn between two worlds, what to do? I say run back and find her real life. Don't listen to a guy named Kaz. But that's me.My first love's name was Bud. Good eight, my friend.

  5. My favorite line from this snippet is "first responders didn’t need some crazy woman getting in their way." The touch of humor is nice. You're doing great things with this snippet. Good luck with the curtains!

  6. I like it. I like how she's processing the situation--applying logic--that they don't know if she's alright. And then he adds that last line zinger! All her logic... out the window! :-)

  7. She just keeps on learning new aspects of what she's gotten herself into, which I love. Very fresh. Can't wait for more! Great 8...

  8. Sue Ann and Stephanie, thanks for coming by. Kaz is kind of shady but he's a demon, so that comes as second nature :-)

    Millie, don't worry, it's not you, it's first draft! I clean up some of these snippets and there's *still* stuff like that. So extra eyes are always wonderful.

    Charmaine, that's what a lot of us would do, I think. But where's the story in that? LOL! It's good to see you.

    Jess, thanks so much! I don't feel I do humor well, most of the time, but if I give the characters their heads it comes out okay. The dang hardware is finally up, but this house has woodwork from hell :P

    Reesie, yup. Just when she thinks she's got a handle on the craziness, he turns it upside down. Sometimes Kaz is Devorah's personal antagonist ;-)

    Veronica, exactly. I want to preserve some of that feeling once I get to the second draft. I have to start the story at a later point so that'll be challenging. But fun! :-D

  9. I guess this is more than she bargained for?

    1. Hi Elaine! Yeah it is. She'd been assuming she could still have contact with her family. He was afraid if he told her all of this at once, she'd simply turn him down flat.