The setting sun threw my long shadow onto the waves. The moon rose across the water, full and glorious, making white diamonds sparkle among the long waves. I sat down and let the water creep up to me, touch me light as a whisper, then draw back. Its quiet laughter as it ran forward then back again made me smile. Clouds blew across the moon and a drizzle began to fall, but rather than give me a chill, it seemed to warm me. The urge to dance took me; I swirled around, in and out of the waves. The rain on my skin felt like butterfly wings. Finally I stopped, my feet in the waves, my hands held up to the rain, and a deep sense of peace filling me.
Collected excerpts for this story are here. Come join us on our merry blog hop at Weekend Writing Warriors - I guarantee more than one story will grab you! If you like romance, you’ll find plenty; if you lean toward sci fi, we have some of that too. Think you’d like to be part of all this writerly fun? The linky list is posted every Monday morning US Eastern time, and you have until that following Saturday at midnight to sign up. Then be sure your *8 sentence* excerpt is live on your blog by 9 am Eastern time. Easy peasy!
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Photo: Testing out the waters, Droidicus, flikr CC
You captured me right into the scene with your description of the ocean, waves dancing, sparkling like diamonds. Last sentence. Did you mean peace filled instead of filling? Lovely eight. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHey Charmaine. You know when I copy-n-pasted this excerpt, I wasn't sure that part sounded right. I'll sure revisit that. Thanks for visiting!
DeleteI loved all the mental imagery this created for me, and it certainly would fill me with an exhilarating sense of peace. Editing-wise...see if you can do some word swaps somewhere in the first two sentences. You use long and waves twice and it pulled me out of the story a bit.
ReplyDeletelol - I didn't even notice that, Millie! First draft and all. I love that people are willing to tell me stuff like that because I can't catch all the goof-ups myself. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
DeleteI agree, just a slight sputter on double waves. It didn't stop me from enjoying it though. That was a beautiful visual. Can I go there too?
ReplyDeleteHistory Sleuth - Murders of Polly Frisch.
Of course, Cindy! Personally, my head is always at one beach or another. Thanks for your input on this.
ReplyDeleteYou've done a great job of using the senses of touch, sound, and vision to create a lovely scene. Very appealing.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, I do appreciate that!
DeleteReally an enchanting scene. I could feel myself there with her and I don't want to leave. Might have to reread that excellent excerpt again LOL.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI love the tranquility of a sunset by the ocean. I got a sense of the picture through your lovely details. Nice snippet!
ReplyDeleteLovely description. It made me feel so tranquil.
ReplyDeleteWonderful, vivid imagery, I really enjoyed how you took the experience and made it more than the ordinary.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great bunch. The waves has already been caught. ;-) I did the same with the word "tables" today. ~sigh~ Yep, everything comes in weird waves. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThe scene is beautiful, Marcia, and as Sandra said, you did a great job with the senses. Nicely done!
And it was nice that you cut Devorah a break. She needs some peace. ;-)
Beautiful snippet full of glorious imagery! Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much to everybody who commented, I appreciate each note so much. Sorry I didn't get to acknowledge you folks sooner but I've been busy with job hunting issues. I've picked up a tiny work-from-home gig posting events for a local online gardening magazine. It's the impetus I need to investigate WordPress for possibly a better author's blog for myself.
ReplyDeleteTeresa, Devorah gets an occasional break, but I don't like seeing my people sitting around for too long :-)