Weekend Writing Warriors 3/9/14

Hello again, peeps! It’s that day of the week again, #8sunday, where the Weekend Writing Warriors get together and post 8 sentences from a work in progress or something already published. If it’s cold in your part of the world, get a steaming mug of your favorite brew and curl up on the sofa with a good blog hop.

I’m skipping ahead with my WIP, working title Night Shift. Devorah has agreed to join Kazimir as a Crosser, one of those special humans who work to regain the balance of power between Light and Dark, good and evil. Crossers are Servants of the Light who work undercover as demons, thus treading a very fine line every day. Collected excerpts for this story are here.

The set-up for this scene is a bit involved so I’ll try to simplify it. Kazimir wants Devorah’s help to capture one of the demons by luring him to a gathering where several religious leaders will be present, including Devorah. Kaz knows the demon won’t be able to resist making a grab for a bunch of souls like that. Devorah is called to a meeting at the synagogue and is surprised to find all of those leaders there; she makes an excuse to leave because she knows the demon might be drawn to the group, and Kaz isn’t ready to spring the trap.

Outside, she’s surprised that a storm has rolled in, complete with lightning and great crashes of thunder. This bit picks up as she comes out of the synagogue into the parking lot.

This is all Draft 1 so far. Some of the plot will be changed but the basic ideas will stay. I’ve tweaked this part to flow a bit better though there is some creative sentence structure to keep to the guidelines. The final sentence is the 9th and was not in the original scene, though I think it adds some drama. What do you think?

Another lightning flash showed dark clouds spiraling together right over the parking lot. My jaw dropped and I ran for the woods across the parking lot. As I reached the canopy, lightning hit the evergreens in front of me with a loud crack, sending flames shooting higher than I expected for living trees.

A tall shadow formed in front of the fire, so dark I couldn’t see through it. My blood ran cold and I froze where I stood: eyes made of fire stared at me. The pure sense of evil flowing out from the demon almost choked me. Enormous black wings unfolded behind and above it, not reflecting the fire at all. A black hand, outlined in fire, reached toward me.

Devorah Moore, rumbled a voice in my head, your soul is mine.

Thanks for coming by! It’s always lovely to see you. Don’t forget to hop back to the WeWriWa homepage for more excerpts from fabulous writers. And if you have any spare sunshine, please, please send it my way! I’m going to lose my mind shortly if we don’t see that glorious yellow orb!