Hello all. Because I’ve been getting such great comments on my WIP novel (tentatively entitled Night Shift) I’m continuing immediately from last week’s post. Important to know for this week’s excerpt: The demon Thaumiel said something quite unexpected about Devorah’s father, so Devorah stopped Kazimir from destroying him. But then Kaz drove the dagger into Thaumiel anyway, the building they were in began to collapse, and Kaz (in demon form) grabbed Devorah and flew out of the building.
She realizes they’ve landed in the woods well behind the building which is now showing flames. Two more important things to know: the collapsed building is the synagogue where Devorah sometimes went with her mom so it means a lot to her; and, Kaz is always weaker in human form because his demon persona uses a lot of energy. Oh and, just before they left the synagogue, Devorah flung herself against Kaz to stop him from destroying Thaumiel and Kaz’s dagger struck his own leg. That’s minor in demon form but in human form, a bit more serious :-) Collected excerpts for this story are here.
The only sound was our own breathing; through the trees, a yellow-orange glow silhouetted the crumbled heap of the synagogue. I sat up, gritted my teeth, and threw a punch at Kazimir’s face as hard as I could.
A split second before it connected I realized he’d changed from his demon form back to human, but I couldn’t stop the train. My hand felt like it broke apart and I yelped. Kazimir’s head swung to the side; he collapsed.
Just as well. I cradled my throbbing hand. I hope you wake up with one motherfucking headache!
Ouch! Our Devorah has a mean streak :-) Thanks so much for coming by! I love and appreciate your comments. For more excerpts from truly talented writers, be sure to visit the Weekend Writing Warriors homepage -- prepare to be amazed, swept away, pulled to the edge of your seat, and engulfed by LOLing … or is that L-ingOL? Acronyms have limitations! I hope your coming week is a happy one.
Nice! I like Devorah! I'm not much for gratuitous profanity in books, But when profanity used like this--providing an incredible depth to a character's emotions, it really works. And I think this scene is a fine example of that. Good snippet, Marcia!
ReplyDeleteThanks hon. Devorah has never struck me as somebody who drops F bombs every five minutes, so when she does cuss, it definitely is for a reason. I'm tickled that it came through :)
DeleteI love this snippet with your strong action and great verb choices. The ending line really sums it up, too. On the first line, I would not separate these two sentences with a semi-colon because they don't seem to belong together in that way. I don't see Devorah as mean. If someone did that to my synagogue, I'd punch him, too.
ReplyDeleteExcellent snippet.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/07/weekend-writing-warriors-blog-hop-071314.html
One, I agree with Teresa, in this case, the profanity is completely appropriate and organic. I like Devorah, and I think this is a good, strong piece of writing. You should be very proud of this snippet.
ReplyDeleteMarcia, this is flipping awesomesauce! And, she's not cursing out loud, so is it really cursing? Ha, it's all semantics!
ReplyDeleteNice, deep POV. I really like Devorah!
ReplyDeleteI'm a little puzzled that there is no sound from the burning and collapsing synagogue.
ReplyDeleteShe surely is a strong character! I think her reaction is quite understandable, given the circumstances. Will be interesting to see what happens next. Great 8!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty such he will have quite the headache. I like the descriptive action and want to know more.
ReplyDeleteShe's a tough cookie to have gone through so much. Wonderful strong snippet well written.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of profanity for emphasis! I use it that way all the time in real life. ☺ Love the "couldn't stop the train" line. I realize this is last week's excerpt, but I was MIA then (World Cup final), so am catching up now. Fantasy isn't my favourite genre, but I would read your book, Marcia.
ReplyDeleteOh snap! He is in for it, in demon form or not. I like her! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a strong character. I like her.
ReplyDelete