Saturday, July 20, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors 7/21/13

Street Glass is my novel-in-progress. My tagline: Underprivileged 18-yr-old Latino leaves street gang and befriends white, over-privileged musicians.

While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the character "voices." So these excerpts will still give you a good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like. The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.

All the previous excerpts are collected here.

I’m now referring to Razor as Neal, which is his given name. Well, we had a rousing excerpt last time! As it turns out, Neal only scratched himself though it did need a bandage. So now his clothes look like they’d been at the bottom of a dumpster, his hair looks like he stepped on a live wire, his expression at any given moment could sour milk, his tattoos add a creepy touch, and his throat is bandaged. Conversation with the band is still tense. 
Eric crossed his arms as Neal stalked over to him and said, “I learn to stay alive in the ’hood. I fuck up there and I’m dead -- you fuck up here, you still alive. For learning, I watch you. You afraid ’cause you a lousy teacher?”

“And people say I’ve got an attitude.” Eric pointed at Neal and leaned toward him. “You want to work with our road techs, fine, but you will not touch any of my guitars, my pedals, my cables, or anything else of mine -- if you do, you’re dead meat. Is that clear?”

“We can’t even touch his shit,” Brian said, “so now he’s treating you like everybody else .”
Tag along at Weekend Writing Warriors as we blog hop all over the world, reading fabulous snippets from works in progress, works just published and some just about to be. It's interesting to read comments and see who had the same impression as you and who read the snippet a different way. Personally, I not only love the kind things people say about my own story, but the sentence limit forces me to think about what needs to be said and what doesn't. That's very valuable for a writer.

Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D

21 comments:

  1. Love the dialogue! You've captured the essence of your characters so well. Seems like Neal will find a home with the band after all. :-)

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    1. Thanks Debbie!

      There's finding a place to live, and there's home - are they always the same?

      ;-)

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  2. I like Brian's comment because it seems to me the band members are willing to give this tough-on-the-outside kid a chance. Really enjoying this story, another great snippet!

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    1. Hi Veronica. The full chapter goes more in depth on the band's reactions, showing more of their personalities. But you're right that they eventually (mostly) come around to giving him a chance.

      But then what?!

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  3. So glad to hear he didn't really hurt himself...I sure hope he doesn't touch Eric's crap. I have a lil' suspicion that he may though...

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    1. Thanks for visiting! Eric's got certain baggage about street people; that comes out a bit more in the full story.

      Neal's not the only one who learns things, as time goes along!

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  4. Good job capturing the language of the streets. What happens next?

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    1. Well now, that's the six million dollar question, isn't it? I guess you'll have to come back next week!

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  5. Really enjoyed the snippet am also happy that Razor/Neal is ok. Looking forward to reading more.

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    1. Thanks Susan. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

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  6. Lots of hackles raised here. Could I make a suggestion? It's not absolutely clear who's speaking in the second sentence--either Eric or Neal could be the subject. Clarify. (Logically, it's Neal, but get the grammar to agree.)

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    1. Point taken, Sue Ann. I think I got too caught up in sentence counting :D Thanks!

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  7. Very emotional. I'm glad he's being treated like everyone else. Hope they'll accept him.

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    1. Well, you know, if it was TOO easy, it would be a boring story ! ;-)

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  8. Ohhh, intense exchange!! Excellent, Marcia! lol--you CAN'T stop being a writer-- judging from your description of Neal in your introduction! It must come naturally to you. :-) Good 8!

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    1. Certain characters come naturally to me, is what I think. You know how it is, a few keep pestering you no matter what you do. You sit down and write about them but that's not enough, they wake you up and interfere when you're trying to go about your daily life, lol! Thanks hon.

      And glad you like the pic. It's kind of hypnotic, I put it as the background theme on my laptop too :D

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  9. Loved this, "For learning, I watch you. You afraid ’cause you a lousy teacher?” from Neal's character. That really flipped the ball back to the other court. A bit of acceptance and mutual tolerance I see. Great 8!

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    1. Thanks Cindy :-) Neal doesn't talk to people when there's a problem so much as challenge them - it's what he's used to. There's a lot of learning that needs to happen on all sides!

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  10. Great characterisation in that dialogue.

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