Sunday, September 14, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 9/14/14: A horrible night passes

Welcome to my contribution to the Weekend Writing Warriors blog hop! First I have to apologize for not being able to visit as many people as I wanted over the last two weeks. Real life completely ate my free time. Even worse than your dog eating your homework! Things have eased up so I’m back at it -- the famous WeWriWa, #8sunday blog hop :-)

Collected excerpts for this story are here. As a quick recap, Devorah helped lure the high-ranking demon Thaumiel to the basement of her synagogue (with a group of religious leaders, who didn’t know what she was doing) so Kazimir (also a demon, and her sometime-friend) could entrap Thaumiel. In the process of capturing him, the building became unstable and Kaz literally swept Devorah off her feet to get her out of the building. Devorah slugged Kaz when she thought he destroyed Thaumiel, who said something unexpected about her father’s death. She was pissed that she might never get answers about her dad. Kaz realizes her slugging hand is painful and heals the ache. We pick up in Devorah’s Point Of View.

The recap seems complicated, I know. I’m pretty sure it makes sense if you read the whole manuscript, though.

I shook my hand as much to cool it as test for any pain. There wasn’t even a residual ache. “That’s too bizarre, I’m not sure I like that.”  

“It does use Dark energy,” Kaz said, “but that’s a good use for it.”  

“Thanks for doing that, but look, I . . .”  

A whole platoon of sirens converged well off beyond the trees, where a bright glow lit up the sky. My beautiful synagogue, the place I’d spent a lot of wonderful hours in . . .where were all the guests? God, what a horrible, horrible night.

This is a transition scene. Kaz has pointed out that if she’s going to join his group of double-agent demons, she needs to leave her old life behind, completely. As in vanish like a ghost. Is that something she can bring herself to do?

Thanks for much for coming by :-) Please be patient with me, I may have to spread out my visiting over several days. You guys are awesome, you leave such thoughtful and encouraging comments! (what in blazes happened with my spacing??)


  1. I'm here with a thoughtful and encouraging comment. Powerful scene with her old life burned to the ground. Now what happens? You've left this reader literally praying for her safety and a better happier life.

  2. I like it and think it works. The painful goodbye to the synagogue, many memories of the place and time spent there--and (I think) making the decision to leave her old life behind. Kind of a big saying goodbye moment. :-) Good excerpt, Marcia. Hope life gives you a little more time now. :-)

  3. Did he just destroy a building full of people? A true demon might have no problem with that, but if this one's supposed to be on the good side I hope he managed to arrange things to avoid casualties!

  4. Love it. Only thing I might change is a lot of hours...that sounds like 10-15 to me. Is this a place she spent much time growing up? As in most of her life? I think that's a cool use of demonic magic : )

  5. Hmmm, not sure my original comment went through. So...

    Nice 8! It sounds like she's reaping what she's sown tonight and life's taking a turn for the worse.

  6. hmmm... left me wondering what happens next. Interesting.

  7. I wonder what happens next too. Interesting story!

  8. Charmaine, you're a sweetheart, thanks so much :-D

    Rees, thanks. It seemed important to have her pause for just a bit before marching on. A lot's happened leading up to this scene.

    Ian, in the first draft, I never answered the question of whether or not anybody was killed in the synagogue. My thought was, that terrible uncertainty was something the readers would share with Devorah.

    Millie, thanks :-D I wasn't sure about that wording myself.

    Monica, yeah in some ways things do get worse. But "worse" also is in the eye of the beholder!

    Neva and Frank, thanks so much for coming by. I'll pick in the same scene next time though I'll probably skip some lines.

    It's great to see all of you guys here!