Saturday, May 4, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors 5/5/13

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Street Glass is my novel-in-progress. My tagline: Underprivileged 18-yr-old Latino leaves street gang and befriends white, over-privileged musicians.

While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the character "voices". So these excerpts will still give you a good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like. The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.

All the previous excerpts are collected here.

Part I’m skipping: Razor explains that one gang member did get away and couldn’t be found, but Razor doesn’t have anybody to hide him. If he leaves the gang and they see him anywhere, they’ll kill him. Razor also says he’s given thought to how to support himself if he ever did get out. Sandy points out that the longer they stand around talking, the greater the chances that the cops will start looking for him. This scene is in Sandy’s POV. 
Razor gritted his teeth and wandered off. He looked like he might be thinking about it. He disappeared into the dimness at the edge of the room but just for a minute. He walked in slow circles around the fire, sat on the edge of a chair and leaned his head into his hands, then threw himself against the back of the seat.

It seemed like a pretty clear-cut decision, really. Sandy turned his wrists in the cuffs and rolled his aching shoulders. Look at him, twitching like a finger on a trigger. I’ve never seen anybody so afraid to trust.
Join us at Weekend Writing Warriors. We're a pretty friendly bunch. We'd love to see what you're working on and we hope you have fun blog hopping all over the world reading bits of what we're working on. 

Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D

13 comments:

  1. I know this is an early draft but consider if there is any way to switch up the sentences in the 1st para so that three in a row don't begin with 'He'?

    Definitely an interesting snippet - loved this line: "Look at him, twitching like a finger on a trigger."

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    1. Hi Susan. This excerpt got tweaked to fit the 8 sentence requirement so it's not exactly the way I'd want it in the manuscript. But I take your point. Thanks so much for visiting!

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  2. Oh- that trigger line is a good one- a real gem!
    ~Summer
    My Blog

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  3. I love the trigger line too!!!

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  4. That trigger line is great! :-) This is such an interesting story. Have to agree with Susan Stuckey about using "He" three sentences in a row, though.

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    1. I know what you mean, though in an excerpt as short as this, things like that are bound to stick out more. I've read things in the context of a whole novel where something didn't strike me as "off" until a few re-reads later. Nice to see you Debbie!

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  5. Compelling snippet. Great job, Marcia!

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  6. I think you portray Razor's indecision very clearly - makes me restless "watching" him! Terrific snippet!

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    1. Awesome, Veronica! I really appreciate that. :)

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  7. I know this is last weeks but I had to comment. Excellent snippet her. Wow, I could feel the kids tension over the decision. Excellent. I had to go back and catch up.

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