While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the character "voices". So these excerpts will still give you a good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like. The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.
All the previous excerpts are collected here.
Part I'm skipping: Sandy's attacker (who he things of as "the kid") recognizes Sandy as a member of a hugely popular rock band. He drives Sandy back to the dilapidated building his gang uses as a hangout, where he announces he's brought a "walkin', talkin' bank." Coyote, the gang's leader, pushes the rest of the gang into another room to discuss how to best take advantage of the unexpected event (they plan to hold Sandy for ransom). Coyote addresses the kid as Razor and tells him to stay with Sandy. Sandy and Razor have a bit of a chat. Razor thinks Sandy is a typical rich white ("Anglo") dude with an I'm-better-than-you attitude, and tells Sandy he needs to see the neighborhood the way the locals do. We pick up in Sandy's POV-- the dialogue is Razor's.
Join us at Weekend Writing Warriors. We're a pretty friendly bunch. We'd love to see what you're working on and we hope you have fun blog hopping all over the world reading bits of what we're working on.[Razor] caught Sandy’s arms, threw him to the floor, and shoved his face into a layer of fine ashy dirt. He tried to pull in a breath but got dirt instead; he choked and coughed. A foot pressed down on his neck. I can’t breathe!“That hurt, Anglo? That’s nothin’ — cops beat me every time they catch me. I get shot at, I live in this shithole, we got nothin’ to do but screw any bitch who don’t run, and jump idiot Anglos. You think you had a tough day.”
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D
You really capture the sense of menace and the hopelessness here. Sandy better be careful what he says next. Excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. I just realized my font size changed in my excerpt, that's wonky! Sandy often has trouble knowing when *not* to say something ;-)
DeleteGreat 8. I've been following this one right along. Sandy is going to be one beat up mess but at least he is still alive. I like the hold for ransom angle too. Tough one this, Razor.
ReplyDeleteNice of you to keep coming back. Tough, yeah; sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes not.
DeleteI'm glad I'm not Sandy. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ella. Hey, one of my secondary characters is named Ella! :D
DeleteI have a hunch Sandy better choose his words wisely. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteYou'd think he would do that, wouldn't you? Unfortunately, he sometimes speaks before he thinks ;-)
DeleteRazor has made some very valid points there!
ReplyDeleteSandy realizes how valid those points are, though it took getting knocked around a little for him to see that!
DeleteOh, Sandy's in a bad place now!
ReplyDeleteHe is, isn't it wonderful ?! :D
DeleteVery straightforward and gloomy, and that first sentence worked like a punch in the face, it put me right in that situation! I'm curious to find out what happens next. Being the hopeful reader that I am I choose to believe there is reconciliation in their future. Great job this week. :)
ReplyDeleteaw thanks Dana.This scene is one of the very first to occur to me. It's definitely pivotal for both characters.
DeleteOh boy, Sandy's in trouble. One good thing, though is that if they want to hold him for ransom, that usually requires keeping him alive.
ReplyDeleteah, yes, exactly: Sandy knows that though he's so completely out of his comfort zone, it's not all that reassuring.
Delete"Razor" tough as nails and living what he learned. Everyone does what they have to to survive. Great beginning!
ReplyDeleteThanks. You know I heard "Razor" used as somebody's nickname before I'd settled on what to call this guy ... sometimes the Universe looks after you :)
DeleteMore, more...
ReplyDelete