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While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the character "voices". So these excerpts will still give you a good idea of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like. The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California.
All the previous excerpts are
collected here.
Last week, Sandy got caught outside an alley by an unseen
thug who grabs him from behind and holds a knife to his throat. I’m skipping
the part where Sandy feels handcuffs locking around his wrists behind his back.
He panics when unexpected things happen; he lets it slip that he has a Ferrari.
He and the thug trade a couple of comments. Sandy, creeped out by being held
captive by somebody he hasn’t even seen yet, sputters that he has a family and
other people who need him. We pick up with the thug’s response:
For more excerpts from a wide and wonderful variety of stories, visit Weekend Writing Warriors. We have fun blog hopping all over the world, and we hope you'll come along!“Yeah, you got everythin’, don’cha? Not now — now it’s my turn.”Sandy’s legs were kicked from behind and his knees hit the ground; he gasped. God, please don’t let me die like this!“Beg me not t’kill you, Anglo!”Sandy swallowed though his throat was dry. “Please don’t kill me . . . please, I want to live, please.” Was that desperate enough?
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D
I like the direct thoughts in this excerpt. And I love the use of Anglo. Very nice touch.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I did notice is when his knees hit the ground- he should react to the physically in someway- did pain burst up from his knees when they hit something that hard? Adding in those sensory details will pull the reader further in with your character as they try to picture it in their heads.
Great job and thank you for sharing.
Hi Summer. Yeah I've had some trouble getting Sandy to come across more 3D and realistic. I'm still working on him so suggestions are welcome. Thanks for yours :)
DeleteI'd beg too. Nice excerpt.
ReplyDeleteThanks. The full scene gave me some trouble; this little bits are way easier to handle!
DeleteI agree with Elaine, begging is the right thing to do in this situation. Great snippet :)
ReplyDeleteSomehow in the full scene, critters didn't think I'd adequately shown Sandy's fear, so we'll see how it looks to different readers and in smaller bits.
DeleteReally like this. So in the moment, pulls you right in.
ReplyDeleteThanks Eleri. I've never been in that situation so it's something of a stretch for me.
DeleteA very tense scene, everyone's worst fears, realized on the page - excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteYou think that's scary? So is putting your writing out there for complete strangers to read! :D Thanks for coming by Veronica!
DeleteSo tense and alert, yet fluid. I'm right there with him. A great read!
ReplyDelete'preciate it. It's hard sometimes to get that perfect scene out of your head and onto the computer screen without losing something in the translation.
DeleteNow will his begging be enough? Great snippet to draw the reader in.
ReplyDeleteWell Karen, I can't let him off the hook too easily, can I? ;-)
DeletePoor Sandy... You've illustrated his plight so well, Marcia. I too think that falling on his knees must have hurt like hell and that could warrant some reaction. Great story!
ReplyDeleteThanks. As I mentioned, I'm still working on Sandy and frankly, since I'm only on draft 2, I've been more concerned about getting the plot right.
DeleteBut that's why something like 8sunday is so great, because I can focus on some of the weaker spots a little at a time. Nice to see you :D
Good excerpt, Marcia! I like Sandy's character. Airhead and all. :-) It seemed to me--a person who has never been in such a situation, that this is quite believable. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's tough to convey a whole bunch of stuff in only 8 sentences. Sandy doesn't make it any easier for me, either !
DeleteI'd beg too. I liked his inner thought at the end. It's tough to get everything in in only eight sentences too. You can always add in the pain to the real draft. :) Good scene though.
ReplyDeleteThanks! In the full scene, I do try to get across a deeper sense of fear and physical pain. Nice of you to stop by.
DeleteOh my... how is he going to get out of this?
ReplyDeleteGet out of?? ;-)
DeleteI think he could sound a bit more desperate. Great atmospheric eight. Dark alleys are dangerous places.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Yeah sometimes characters are as much a WIP as any novel :)
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