While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a
pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the
character "voices". So these excerpts will still give you a good idea
of how the plot plays out and what the characters are like. The year is 1986,
in Los Angeles, California.
Part I’m skipping: Razor explains that he really wants to find somebody from his past. Sandy says he should be able to get a private investigator to look into that. Eventually, Razor agrees to go with Sandy and leave the gang for good. This section is in Sandy’s POV and he’s the first one speaking.
(Razor has previously explained that if he leaves the gang
and they see him again, they’ll kill him. He also mentions that he’ll have to
get another car because the gang has taken the only one to go on their “job”
that night.)
Join us at Weekend Writing Warriors. We're a pretty friendly bunch. We'd love to see what you're working on and we hope you have fun blog hopping all over the world reading bits of what we're working on.“Hey, if you really can’t come back, maybe you should let a few of your friends know.”Razor shook his head. “No time, an’ they safer if they don’t know.”“Well, is there anything you want to take, something to remind you of anybody?”Razor seemed about to answer but didn’t; he rubbed an earlobe and kicked at something in the dirt.His head snapped around to face the door leading to outside.“What?” Sandy said.“You deaf? Car’s back.”
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully accepted :-D
Uh oh! Sure hope Razor can make a clean break of things. This is one helluva good story, Marcia and I'm looking forward to the next instalment.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Debbie! Razor might want a clean break too, but I can't let him off that easy ;-)
DeleteI love the way you captured the moment of indecision in this snippet. Compelling snippet!
ReplyDeleteNice of you to say, Jess. We pick up the pace after this.
DeleteI really enjoy how much we get to find out about your characters through their dialogue and speech. That's not an easy thing to do.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you :-) For some reason it's much easier for me to do that with Razor than with Sandy, but I'm working on it.
DeleteWhat do you mean you pick up the pace after this? Heck, I think you did that already as this just adds to the high tension of last week. When I read the last line I thought, oh crap. Great build up here. Can't wait to see what happens next week!
ReplyDeleteHistory Sleuth's Writing mysteries
Ps.. No mine is not published yet, I'm editing. But thanks for asking.
heehee! I really appreciate that.
DeleteI'm waiting for that book of yours, woman :-D
Uh oh, the tension just ratcheted up even more with that last bit - excellent excerpt! This story keeps me on the edge of my seat...
ReplyDeleteKind of you, Veronica. Previous critiquers have helped me improve this part.
ReplyDeleteHe better move quickly if he's leaving now. Probably no time to grab any mementos. Excellent tension.
ReplyDeleteUh oh. Not good. Nicely done. My heart dropped when he said that last line.
ReplyDeletesounds like could be a good piece of contemporary sociology with a positive message. Like his mannerisms - make sure it's not preachy though
ReplyDeleteThis was a tense moment! When I read it, I worried that the gang was going to get back in time to stop Sandy and Razor from escaping. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh crap! I wonder how they are going to handle the gang coming back.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are all so nice :-D Thanks so much.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment on my poetry. But WWW is not a good fit. I’ll be participating with a story this week
ReplyDeleteAnd there goes their opportunity to leave, doesn't it?
ReplyDelete