While some of the plot is subject to change (draft two is a
pretty early draft, after all) the basic elements will stay, as will the character
"voices". So these excerpts will still give you a good idea of how
the plot plays out and what the characters are like. Note: There is swearing in
English and Spanish!
The year is 1986, in Los Angeles, California. I've skipped
introducing the main character who goes by the street name of Razor. He's part
of a street gang. I'm collecting all the snippets here so you can easily see
what's going on.
For this snippet, I've skipped the description of Coyote
catching Razor eyeing Trist. He gave Razor a thrashing but then told him to “go
do something useful.” Razor then sat on the rooftop of the apartment building
across the street to think. He was joined by his pal Chino, another gang
member, who tried to convince him that he’s got everything he needs right there
in the barrio (neighborhood). MF is short for the gang's name, Mi Familia.
Razor’s fingers closed around a stone; he pitched it out into the night. “You got an apartment, I live in the fucking half-burned joint that MF uses for HQ.” He pointed between the houses at headlights flashing by. “I wanna fly like them cars. Up here I’m almost free.”“Cállate before somebody else hears you,” Chino snapped then added quieter, “Go get Licha, you’ll feel better.”For a while, sure . . . Razor jumped up, shook both fists at the barrio, and shouted as loud as he could. “I fuckin’ hate you!”
For more excerpts from a wide and wonderful variety of
stories, visit Weekend Writing Warriors . We have fun blog hopping all over the
world, and we hope you'll come along!
Thanks for visiting my blog today. Comments gratefully
accepted :-D
Good job showing his anger.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elaine. :D
ReplyDeleteExcellent portrayal of an angry young man. You've captured the futility of his existence so well, Marcia. :-) Looking forward to the next instalment.
ReplyDeleteThanks! The angry part is the easy part ;-)
DeleteI could really feel his frustration and anger about his situation. Quick question–what/who is Licha?
ReplyDeleteLicha is one of Razor's girlfriends. In this sort of culture, lots of women means bragging rights. Licha's his favorite. Thanks for asking & for visiting.
DeleteHis frustration comes over really well in this - congrats!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that, Paula. :)
Deleteis the genre YA? love stories like this (I have an old WIP with similar plotting but it's buried in the depths of my computer)
ReplyDeleteHey Sue. This is definitely an adult story. Razor's 18 at the start here, and the themes are adult.
DeleteBTW, this story idea is some 30 years old - just because something's old doesn't mean it's worthless :-D
So much emotion packed into the excerpt and your character - very well done snippet!
ReplyDeleteThe hard part is keeping that strong emotion going, but as long as necessary. Thanks for the compliment.
DeletePoor kid, I really feel his frustration.
ReplyDeleteAwesome, Elin - that's what I like to hear! Thx!
DeleteWell done, I'm in that world right away.
ReplyDeleteNice of you to say that, A.J. I appreciate it.
Deletevery emotionally charged post!! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou can bet there's more where that came from! Thanks.
DeletePowerful! I can feel his frustration.
ReplyDeleteNice of you to stop by. Glad that emotion came through loud & clear.
DeleteThis is a very interesting premise. Loved the excerpt! But aside from all that, let's talk about the fabulous musical notes in the background of your blog. I can't stop staring! They make me so happy and I just wanna dance! :D
ReplyDeleteThanks Evelyn. I looked at other things for the background but kept coming back to this one. It is pretty neat!
DeleteSo fluent, and I'm getting more and more impressed with your dialogue each week. So natural and vivid! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks bunches! Razor's dialogue isn't too hard for me, it's the other MC I have some trouble with. But we'll how how he comes across to readers in a few weeks :)
DeleteExcellent, Marcia. Razor's voice comes through loud and clear. Nice snippet. :-)
ReplyDeleteNice of you to say that, hon. :D
Delete